I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
that may or may not have been my penis.
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