Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
