this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
