my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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