So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
