oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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