Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
