marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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