I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
