i permit you to call me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
