you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
