hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
