forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
