Im at strip club and am horny
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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