Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
