Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
