I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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