I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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