i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
