What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
