So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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