I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
