Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
PANTIES FOUND
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