I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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