Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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