both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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