i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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