That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
