Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
