I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
