I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
