can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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