idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
