I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So apparently I’m into choking now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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