Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
