i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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