just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
