Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sober January is a disaster.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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