I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
