I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
