Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
