erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
