Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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