i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
