I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
