we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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