What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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