Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
