i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
