We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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