She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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