Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
