Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
