Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
