Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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