I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
