we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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