I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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