I hate all girls vehemently.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The air taste purple.
Randomize
