On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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