reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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