Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
