i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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