I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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