Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
