pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
