you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
