one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You pole danced in your parka.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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