I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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