do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
