Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
