I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
