Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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