thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
